Our shadows are created by light and darkness

We are made from both the light and the dark that lives inside us
The light is hope, the dark is despair
Depression is when darkness overshadows the light and binds us to hopeless misery

Living with depression – Living Among the Shadows

I have been on both sides of my internal fight for light and dark. For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with depression. I didn’t recognize the disease when I was young, but looking back I can see it for what it was. I still struggle. Depression is not a choice. I can’t just ‘be happy’ or ‘use positive thinking’. Depression is as much chemical and physical as it is emotional, and it is very emotional.

I will never sugarcoat my feelings about depression. This topic is too personal. I am not a writer, so expect some typos and grammatical issues. If I overanalyze everything that I write, nothing will happen or get published. Spiraling obsession and perfectionism are not exclusive to depression, but they are included defects . . . or perks? I’ll let you decide.

A DARK WEBSITE – A DARK SOUL

My website is dark because that’s how I feel most of the time. Occasionally I feel like blue skies with birds chirping, but that’s not the norm. I usually feel I’m being pulled down into a black hole of misery and pain that crushes all hope and replaces joy with broken shards of jagged glass. Oh, and expect humor with sarcasm in large doses. Without humor and sarcasm, I can’t exist . . . and don’t want to. Mmm . . . broken shards of jagged glass . . .

I created this blog to help those that struggle as I do and also to help others (those with loved ones suffering) to understand the disease. It’s easy to get frustrated with someone suffering from depression. There usually aren’t any obvious physical signs of the disease, and let’s be honest, most people that suffer from depression are not easy to deal with. We appear lazy, uninterested, or sometimes angry. Remember, depression is not a choice. We DO NOT want to be the way we are. We just are.

You think it’s easier
To put your finger on the trouble
When the trouble is you
And you think it’s easier
To know your own tricks
Well, it’s the hardest thing you’ll ever do

I have a will for survival
So you can hurt me
And then hurt me some more
I can live with denial
But you’re not my troubles anymore

– U2

The truth about depression – the disease

Let’s separate fact from fiction. So much of what people ‘think’ they know about depression is wrong or misunderstood. Even those of us that suffer from the disease do not fully understand what we have and why. For me, learning about the disease is as important as learning how to deal with it. There are a lot of cliche sayings and labels for depression. Most of them are incorrect, uninformed, and kinda mean. Knowledge is power, but we need the whole truth, not just the bits we want to hear.

Half a truth is often a great lie. – Benjamin Franklin

Depression is a disease
The top #1 misunderstood fact about depression is that it is a disease and not a mental condition. If you suffer from depression you are NOT crazy. You might sometimes feel like it, but you are not crazy. There are a lot of good articles on the topic. Here is one that I like (link). Depression is a disease that is part of our genetic makeup, but it can also be environmental (taught). Overcoming depression is not as simple as ‘having happy thoughts’ or ‘thinking positively’. It’s like telling a left-handed person to stop and begin left-handed. Yes, you can train someone to use their right hand eventually, but it takes time and usually requires training to learn how to use their right hand. Depression is no different. People that suffer from depression must ‘learn’ how to overcome the disease.
We do NOT enjoy being depressed
There is a tendency to think that people who suffer from depression somehow enjoy it. We don’t. We hate it. We loathe it with the very breath we breathe. Most of us just have no idea how to fight depression. We want to, but most of what we try doesn’t work and it can be hard to summon the energy to fight. We want to be ‘normal’ (i.e. generally happy). Depression is NOT a choice. It is a disease.

I spent most of my life trying to beat depression. I tried drugs, therapy, yoga, acupuncture, meditation, and the list goes on. A few of them had marginal success, but there isn’t a ‘silver bullet’ for depression. It requires constant effort and the fight is exhausting. Sometimes the fight feels worse than the disease.
Depression is NOT a simple disease
For me, this is where the rubber meets the road. The makeup of the disease is complicated. Depression is a war inside the person suffering. Fighting depression sucks the life out of you and leaves you feeling ‘thin’ (From Tolkien: “I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.”). Maybe Tolkien was trying to articulate his own depression through Bilbo? Whatever the case, that quote has always held a special place for me.

Depression becomes a prison that we unwillingly create. Depression is a bully that knows the very worst parts of our soul and uses that knowledge against us. We become our own worst enemy. Our internal dialog can be nasty, harsh, and merciless. We spend a lot of time feeling alone, ragged, and helpless. Sometimes a mere smile seems completely out of reach, and the energy required to force a smile feels impossible. We also have days where our energy gets so amped up that we can’t focus or accomplish anything. There’s no middle ground. We spend most of our time either too weak to fight back or completely paralyzed by overstimulation.
Depression is treatable, not curable
I get some flack for this one, and just typing that title steals a bit of hope, but all of the research and data supports my statement. Depression can be treated and even healed to a degree, but there is no known 100% cure. Meaning; similar to an addiction, we can easily fall back into its grasp. Unlike an addiction, because of the insidious nature of depression, we don’t always know what to avoid (the triggers that pull us back). We can easily become ensnared without even trying.

Personal example: I was doing pretty good for months, then suddenly out of the blue, I began to spiral again. After a bit of meditating and thinking about ‘why’, I noticed that spent some time looking at old photos and re-feeling a lot of old experiences. In my case, that was enough. I didn’t have a very happy childhood. I’m not saying my childhood was worse than others. Rather, for me; it was unhappy. The sum of my childhood experiences we’re unhappy. Reliving those experiences retriggered my depression. Sometimes, that is all it takes.

The addiction analogy is fairly accurate. However, people that suffer from depression are not addicted. At least not in the traditional sense. People that suffer from depression never make a conscious choice to be depressed. We never took that first hit or first drink to begin an addiction. Our brains are wired to be depressed similar to how an addict’s brain is wired to want/need a chemical high, but we don’t have a choice if or when depression will happen. Most research suggests that depression is a reaction or defense mechanism generated by the brain. The reasons for this ‘reaction’ differ greatly from person to person. For some, it is a genetic predisposition that is triggered by a life event. For others, it could be generated from a traumatic experience. For many, depression is a complicated combination of both.
There is hope, there really is
Sometimes it feels easier to just give in, or worse, give up. Especially when we feel ‘thin’. However, take courage, there is hope. There is an abundance of treatment options for depression. Many of which, you’ve probably never heard of. Bringing these options to light is one of the main reasons for this blog. For most of us, these treatment options can feel like a ‘cure’. The bottom line; don’t despair, we have options.

My #1 rule; don’t rule out anything and I mean anything. Honestly, I’ve seen ringing special bells in a certain order help people overcome depression. Certain diets like Keto can help. Everyone is different. The only way to find what works for you is to begin. I’m not a huge fan of pharmaceuticals, but they do work for some people. Do something to fight back. Doing nothing is your worst enemy. I’ll do my best to post ideas and thoughts on this subject but do your own research too. Please consider sharing what you find. Fight the disease and claim your life back!

Understanding Relationship Anxiety and Depression

The Best Vitamins, Minerals and Herbs to Fight Depression

Help with Depression, How to fight Depression

5 Quick Ways To Ninja Depression

Surviving Depression – One Storm at a Time

Oftentimes, surviving depression is as simple as weathering one storm at a time. For me, this blog is a catharsis of sorts. A bit of calm inside the storms of my life. My hope is that by sharing my feelings, experiences, and what little knowledge I have on the subject, I might help a few fellow sufferers and maybe even myself. Sometimes it feels like I am shouting at the storm, but I would rather shout than sit silent and do nothing.

Together we can lift the dark fog of depression. Knowledge is our power. The more we know, the better equipped we are to fight the disease. If you have a story, experience, or some wisdom on the topic, please reach out. I am happy to post from contributing authors. I can leave your post anonymous if you prefer.

Do not let depression win – 1-800-273-8255

If you feel like hurting yourself, please reach out to the folks at the suicide hotline. You won’t have police crashing your door in. There won’t be a record of your call. They just listen and talk when you ask them to. that’s it. Don’t let depression win, call 1-800-273-8255

Our shadows are created by light and darkness

Living with depression – Living Among the Shadows

A DARK WEBSITE – A DARK SOUL

The truth about depression – the disease

Depression is a disease

We do NOT enjoy being depressed

Depression is NOT a simple disease

Depression is treatable, not curable

There is hope, there really is

Understanding Relationship Anxiety and Depression

The Best Vitamins, Minerals and Herbs to Fight Depression

5 Quick Ways To Ninja Depression

Surviving Depression – One Storm at a Time

Do not let depression win – 1-800-273-8255

Please share on your social media outlets. Thank you!

Follow me on Facebook

Our shadows are created by light and darkness

Living with depression – Living Among the Shadows

A DARK WEBSITE – A DARK SOUL

The truth about depression – the disease

Surviving Depression – One Storm at a Time

Do not let depression win – 1-800-273-8255

Please share on your social media outlets. Thank you!

Follow me on Facebook

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